Stupid Technicality
by ProfessorCactustheThird
Summary: Lassiter's attempt to get relationship advice goes horribly wrong due to a minor technicality, and it just night ruin his life forever. Scratch that- it will ruin his life, oh only about for eternity. ESTABLISHED SHULES AND CARLOWE


**I just came up with this on the way to school one day, and then I figured, why not just post it?**

**THIS IS ESTABLISHED SHULES AND CARLOWE. No lassiet, no shassie, no need to puke ^.^**

**If I owned Psych, well, I'd make sure it runs through the whole year, with enough Shules to power a rocket to Jupiter :D**

* * *

As Carlton Lassiter glanced at his partner giggle at a text from her boyfriend before typing a reply on their way to their latest crime scene, he couldn't help but feel jealous of the couple. It was getting closer to Marlowe's release date, but it still felt like forever to him, and the fact that O'Hara and Spencer were getting more… couple-y at work wasn't helping a bit.

Lassiter had debated over carrying out this following course of action for a few days, but eventually curiosity got the better of him. Clearing his throat somewhat nervously, he called out to his partner.

"O'Hara?" He attempt at sounding authoritative failed horribly and he winced at how _pathetic_ he sounded. It didn't really matter though, not like she was even paying any attention to him. The only reply he received was a distracted  
"Hmm?" as she received yet another text from Spencer.

"O'Hara!" He tried a little more forcefully this time, but only got a sideways glance from her as she was typing her reply. Thankfully, she stopped with that and turned to look at him questioningly.

The Head Detective swallowed again, trying to sound casual and nonchalant, "So, how often do you and Spencer spend the night over?"

"_What? _Carlton, what's wrong with you? What kind of a question is that? Since when are you so interested in Shawn's and my relationship?"

"No way! God, no! I was just asking because… well…" Juliet caught him glancing at the display of his Fusion's infotainment system as he trailed off. Following his gaze, she quickly pieced everything together.

"Marlowe's getting out soon, isn't she?"Lassiter sighed happily at that, one of the rare times he showed his emotions, or at least the emotions that weren't the 'I'm going to kill you and make sure that no hint of your bodies will never be found' ones he shot Shawn and Gus just about every time he saw them.

"Three weeks, two days and five hours, but who's counting? Look, I… want to know how… real couples act, you know? Now, I don't fully approve of your relationship with Spencer- don't even think that for a second. It's just… you're the only person I can honestly talk to about these stuff."

"Wow, er okay?" Juliet didn't know how to react to her partner's sudden emotional revelation. "Well, I guess it's about three, four times a week? Depends on the case load, actually."

"Huh. So you plan this out before hand or what?"

"We kind of have this arranged thing where I go over to Shawn's on Fridays and he comes over for the weekend, but other times it just depends on the situation, I guess." Juliet squirmed in her seat. It was bad enough that she was being questioned about the more private issues of her relationship, but with her partner- the very same one who had strapped both her and Shawn to lie detectors practically the second he found out about them- it was becoming beyond awkward. She shut her eyes, praying that Lassiter would shut up and that they could arrive at the scene… oh, right about now.

_Yeah, right._

"First date. Go."

_God, can't he just shut _up_? _"Well, officially it was just walking around Vancouver and stuff." It had been much less walking and so much more 'stuff', but _he_ didn't need to know that. "Unofficially it was walking down the pier eating hotdogs and talking. But that was after the bank hostage case about three years ago, so…"

"Wow, a load of _amazing _advice _that _was." Lassiter muttered under his breath, not intending for his partner to hear it, but of course she did.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that Shawn and I have to tailor our relationship to your standards." Juliet was indignant at first, but softened quickly, as always. "Look, just don't repeat the whole taking her to a restaurant with crayons on the table and drawing the bullet holes in a dead clown, okay?"

"So the scratch marks on the trainer from that polar bear case last year is fine?"

"Carlton."

"Oh, how about an indoor picnic at the shooting range?"

"_Carlton._"

"What? It's a picnic."

"At the _shooting range_."

"Yes. So the prob-" Lassiter was cut off by Juliet's phone beeping with a new text. He could only roll his eyes as she resumed her giggling texting session with her boyfriend.

As they pulled up into the scene, Juliet smiled patiently at him and patted his shoulder before trying to get out of the car. "Trust me, Carlton. Once you find the one, you'll know."

Suddenly, Lassiter grabbed the back of her jacket suit and pulled her back into the car. "I swear to God, if so much as a _squeak _of this conversation gets out of this car, your _beloved _boyfriend will not see the light of another day, understood?"

Juliet nodded distractedly, smiling as she saw her boyfriend leaning casually against the Blueberry staring openly at her. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

_The next day_

After finally finishing up paperwork which had taken him over two hours to complete (his partner had _very_ coincidentally disappeared immediately after Spencer and Guster had left the station), Lassiter walked over to the window. Stretching, he observed the scene at the parking lot carefully. Two new rookies were coming back from the shooting range under the watchful eye of Detective McCarthy from Narcotics, Dobson was escorting a perp into the station from a squad car, Spencer and O'Hara were giggling in his Fusion, McNab was _finally _returning with his coff- wait. _What?_

Lassiter literally ran back to his desk, to grab his high-powered binoculars before charging back to the window. He focused his binos just in time to see the two of them kiss quickly before getting out of his Fusion.

_His Fusion._

How _dare _they?

He continued watching as Spencer tossed O'Hara the keys before running off to Guster's stupid little blue car and driving off.

"What exactly do you think you are doing?" Juliet jumped, not expecting her partner to ambush her at the door. Mentally thanking Shawn for coming up with a plausible excuse, she replied coolly,

"Well you see, I thought I had dropped my compact in your car yesterday, so Shawn was helping me check." She continued walking toward her desk, ignoring her partner hot at her heels.

Lassiter narrowed his eyes at her. Obviously, she'd been spending too much time with Spencer. "That's a load of crap O'Hara, and you know it. I do a full sweep of my car every morning and night to check for bugs, spy cameras and snow globes and I didn't find anything belonging to you."

"I told you, I just _thought _that I left it there, not that I was certain of it." She made a mental note to tell the boys about Lassiter's little snow glob slip.

_Yup, way too much time with Spencer._

"_Fine,_" She conceded under her partner's unrelenting glare. "You know that conversation we had on the way to the crime scene yesterday."

Lassiter froze. This could _not _be good. "What about it?"

"I only agreed that it wouldn't leave the _car_, right?"

There was one thing was going to Carlton Lassiter's mind as he felt the blood pumping through his ears, and one thing only.

_Crap._

* * *

**La di dah! Hehe, how was it? I'm thinking of doing a second chappie where Shawn and Gus tease Lassie, for both the conversation as well as the snow globe part… should I?**

**Review please! **


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